Fell on Black Days
by LuLuRainbow12
Summary: Four years after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, he stumbles across her in Vancouver. What she has become will shock and disgust him. Can he save her? Does she want to be saved?
1. Prologue

Prologue: Glycerine

"Writing in my journal keeps me grounded though I have habits that keep me as high as the clouds. I'm not sure when Forks became to much to handle. I like to think it was somewhere in the middle of loosing the love of my life, dealing with the pity or backlash from my friends and the diagnoses of depression. Sure, I kept my grades up, applied to college, worked and took care of Charlie, but it was just going through the motions. If only the pills had helped. Maybe then I could have stayed. It doesn't matter now. Life may not go as we plan but it goes, quickly. It runs and sprints and hits stuff on the way but I'm still here. And I've found someone to love the mess that I've become. Maybe I'm really lucky."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Lit Up

I scribble viciously, a bit of blood trickling down my upper lip. I wipe it away quickly with the tissue that's been haphazardly crinkled around my pen. Words spill like water across the page. More like oil; they stain. The words come faster than I would like. My brain isn't quite keeping up.

I pause and take a drag of the cigarette burning in the ash tray to my left. It's at the hit of the cigarette that I notice I'm actually cold. I snort and rise off the floor of my apartment to get a sweat shirt from my closet. Quickly, I check the clock next to the wrought iron four post bed. 7:30pm. I cock my eyebrow at the clock.

"Traitor," I mutter.

Writing always seems to keep me semi-sane. The feeling only lasts as long as I spill my guts to the paper. When I get ready for work the feelings disappear entirely.

I move quickly to my dresser and grab the tiny piece of a pink straw lying neatly on the ornate, silver trimmed mirror my mother sent me three or four Christmases ago. The line of blow is just enough to make me calm so that I can adorn myself according to the theme of tonight's show.

I shower quickly, uneventfully and work my hair into a ratty, rockstar mess before padding lightly to my closet and taking out tonight's outfit. I cock my eyebrow at the clothes that have been hung on the hook for me. A patten leather posture collar, matching corset and matching skinny pants are looking me in the face, a reminder of who I am now. I pick up the collar and smile gently at it. People love when I wear this one. It must be an important show. Brian only makes me wear this for special occasions.

There is a note attached to the hook and I finger it lightly. It's written in sharp, angry script:

You pick the shoes, beautiful. See you soon.

XBrian

I smile again. He really is sweet, though a bit unconventional. Most women wouldn't go for a guy who doesn't believe in marriage, beats them during stage shows and does drugs but he's not perfect and that's what makes me love him. No one knows about the sweetness and I suppose that's why Charlie, Renee and Jacob no longer associate with delinquent Bella. The X before his name reminds me of why I'm still here. He didn't judge me. I'm fucked up and someone fucked up loves me. We're a match made in heaven.

I smile again at the note and dig into the far reaches of my closet for my purple, satin, peep toe pumps. I like purple because it makes my eyes look more sweet and less sad. The sweetness is more appropriate for our shows.

I dress as quickly as I'm able and begin to work on my make up. I apply moisturizer and shimmer powder but no foundation. My skin has become far to light to match much of anything anyway. I shadow my eyes with purple and silver, thick black, cat eye lines and a heavy dose of mascara. Pearly gloss finishes the look. I retrieve my pumps and grab my purse off the table next to the door avoiding mirrors the entire way there. Brian says I'm beautiful but I still see the plainness that was evident in my features 5 years ago, not to mention the scars that now adorn most of my chest and arms.

The drive to the club is fast and comfortable thanks to my new black Mazda 3; a birthday gift from Brian. When I step out of the car, the chilly October air bites at my exposed arms creating goose bumps.

"The club is warm inside." I repeat over and over like a prayer as I hurry to the back door of the club. Tommy, the huge, pierced, tattooed, 40 something biker/bouncer, lets me into the door.

"How goes it, Bella?" Tommy says cheerfully. He's always been sort of paternal toward me and I love him for it; my dad doesn't love me any more. I lay a light kiss on his cheek and whisper a soft, "Fine" before heading up the steps and into the dressing room.

I am immediately assaulted by Brian; one of his hands cups around my ass as his long fingers brush dangerously close to my center. I usually go commando for shows and tonight is no exception. His other hand moves to sweetly brush my cheek.

"Stunning," he whispers in my ear as I kiss his cheek.

"Thanks." I say and I can instantly feel the blush creeping up my neck to color my face.

"I mean it."

"I know." My eyes fall to the floor. He knows how I feel about all this beauty talk. I'm not beautiful, just me and he's ok with that.

"Ready for tonight Bella?" Danny says from the back of the room. He's got a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. Slowly he extends the joint out to me.

"Thanks." I say giving him a genuine smile. The night will probably be taxing and the joint helps to calm my nerves and plant a seductive smile on my face.

After a hit or two, I'm lead to the stage where I'll be chained tonight. The curtain is closed but there are fans in the club already and we have to be quiet. Brian and Danny expertly work the chains around a post in the middle of the stage, then around my legs and wrists until I am standing, legs open, arms bound above me, ready for the show. A bit of tweaking of sound equipment follows while I ride out my buzz in this position.

"Kinky," I mutter to myself and I realize I've dozed off just a bit. When I open my eyes, Brian is looking at me intently, a twisted smile on his face. He's wielding an ornate, insanely sharp dagger in his right hand.

"Ready lover?" He says, cocking an eyebrow at me. I lower my eyes and nod. The next thing I see is the dagger swinging at me violently and when it meets my flesh I let out a blood curdling scream. It's my sweet release, like the best orgasm. I can cry and thrash and release my pain.

As the blood drips down my cleavage, the crowd erupts into applause and the music begins.

A/N: This is my first fic. I'm not sure if I'll continue but reviews could motivate me. :-)


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: So in my haste to get my first chapters up I forgot a few things.

Firstly, all recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer etc, etc, etc. Like you all didn't know that :-)

Secondly, I never expected that anyone at all would want to read my little story. I will be continuing as the reviews are a huge motivator. Sadly, I can not promise any real time line for when chapters will come out; I work a lot, have a husband and need to be motivated to write. Please stick with me. I plan on seeing this thing through. And thanks for making me want to do this. My hubs makes fun of me for it.

Lastly, these chapters and their titles are coming from songs. It seems as though a song will hit me and I have a light bulb moment and it just happens. Check them out if you can :-)

Without further ado. I give you...

* * *

Chapter 2: Blackhole Sun

With each stroke of the knife across my skin, I feel the sweet, warm release I need. Brian wields the knife like a Jedi master; his strokes leave scars, hurt, draw blood but I'm not in serious danger. There are now several long gashes on my arms and chest but I'm mostly peppered by tiny pricks from the instrument. It's now toward the end of the show and Brian is playing in the blood on my chest like a child in a muddy puddle. Not only do I get off on the release but Brian thoroughly enjoys dominating me. I'm now more high than I was 40 minutes prior and when I open my lazy eyelids, I can see the bulge forming in the front of his tight, black leather pants.

I lick my lips seductively, knowing it will heighten his arousal and further suck in the crowd. The song ends and Brian begins conversing with the crowd like the expert frontman he is. His presence is sexy to say the least. I feel the tingle in my limbs and heart start spreading to my groin. I'm getting tired and I droop on the chains. The rustling of my bonds draws Brian's attention and he begins acknowledging me in front of the crowd.

"What's the matter beautiful, bloody girl? Are you tired?" he purrs through the sound system and the crowd goes ballistic. I nod my response weakly. Quick as a flash, I am sprawled like a dead body on the floor, struggling to move. There is blood everywhere. I smile and it's completely insane. In the midst of my insanity, I remind myself that Danny probably rushed forward to drop me to the floor from the pole. I hadn't even noticed.

Danny attatches a thick chain leash to my collar while Brian continues to address the crowd.

"When I first found this gorgeous creature, she was nothing like the delicious whore you see before you." Brian says, relishing in a VH1 story teller moment. I smile at his antics. When he looks down at me I can tell that there is a tenderness there for only me to see.

"I've enjoyed watching you change, Isabella. This song is for you." He sneaks a quick wink at me as the sensual guitar riff begins to fill the room. The Deftones. I love when they cover this song and the tingling in my groin starts to intensify.

I feel a light tugging at the collar around my neck and realize that Brian would like me to kneel at his feet for this song. I cock an eyebrow at him and he smiles evilly at me. This I can do for him. I, as gracefully as I am able, sit up and swing my feet under my butt so that I am sitting back on my heels. I set my shoulders back and cast my eyes up admiringly to the man that rescued me, who accepts me.

As the words begin to leave his mouth the tingling beings to intensify.

"I've watched you change

Into a fly

I looked away

You were on fire"

I can feel the tingle growing, spreading through my lower belly. I bite my lip in an attempt to fight the feeling. I'm trying to save it for later.

"I watched a change

In you

It's like you never

Had wings

Now you feel

So Alive

I've watched you change"

By this time, my eyes have closed and my lips have parted. I can hear the lust in Brian's voice. He's going to fuck me senseless when we get home. The though makes my mouth water.

"I took you home

Set you on the glass

I pulled off your wings

Then I laughed"

I open my eyes at the sensation of my hands being bound in front of me. Brian has called up a guy from the audience to tie me up. He stinks. It's a cross between onions, ass and alcohol. I look up at Brian and a tear escapes the corner of my eye. I pout up at him. Why couldn't he have tied me up?

"I watched a change

In you

It's like you never

Had wings

Now you feel

So alive

I've watched you change

It's like you never

Had wings"

He focuses down on me. His stare is penetrating, stimulating me. I'm going to come before the end of the song. That much is certain. It's mildly humiliating but again the audience loves it. My thoughts are cloudy and somewhere in the back of my mind I register a low growl followed by some struggling. Brian is always cool, collected and calm on stage and in addition to his immense talent this makes him a great front man. When his eyes are averted to the back of the club I'm suddenly curious. I lift my eyes and barely make out the struggle over the heads of the audience members. Several are muttering and tossing awkward glances. Others seem impressed. Trying desperately to see the dick that has interrupted our show I squint over the crowd. Bobbing slowly toward the door, I catch a glimpse of copper, sex hair followed by a flash of angry, onyx eyes.

"I look at the cross

Then I look away

Give you the gun

Blow me away"

Suddenly I am unable to breathe. My high is gone. Completely non existent. My bound hands reach for Brian's leg as the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. I'm like a faucet. They won't stop. He pulls tight on the leash further restricting my breathing. I can see spots. I claw at his leg, begging him for something, some comfort. _Please_, I think at him. _God__, __please__. _My eyes clear of tears enough to realize that he's going to cut me again and I smile as the knifes arch reveals its destination; my cheek. He pulls tight on the chain and the spots spread. I can't breathe.

"I've watched a change

In you

It's like you never

Had wings

Now you feel

So Alive

I've watched you change.

Now you feel Alive

You Feel Alive

I've watched you change

It's like you never

Had wings"

At the last words of the song, I'm vaguely aware of thank/fuck yous and the dimming of lights. The show is over. I fall forward into blackness.

* * *

A/N: Well, obviously someone is back in the picture. Next chapter will be from his point of view and it won't be pretty. Reviews please.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N So... what can I say? I know I promised that this was going to be from Edward's POV but Bella wasn't done. This chapter needs to be from her POV. Maybe later we will see what happened in the mean time.

I have phones. Songs have tones. Bodies have bones. Eat ice cream cones. SM owns.

Enjoy!

Bella's POV

Chapter 3: Lithium

I am vaguely aware of several things at once. First and foremost, I am in dire need of blow. My nerves are so raw I can feel old memories rubbing against the blisters already present there. Second, someone is cleaning the blood off of me and quite gently. It feels nice. Good actually. Someone is showing me they actually care. Third, I am insanely cold. Freezing. Perhaps to death. Lastly, several people are screaming at each other all at once.

Panic rises in my throat again. I have no idea who is in this room, touching me, cleaning me, fighting over me. Who the hell is touching me? I pretend to stir just a bit so that there would be some warning as to my imminent awakening. The person cleaning the gashes on me loudly clears his throat. His? Was I sure it was a male cleaning me up? Christ, where was my blow again?

The arguing continues and I take the opportunity to survey my surroundings. The first thing I see upon opening my eyes is a sweet smile and lick of jet black bangs. Danny. He is the one cleaning me so gently. I smile softly at him and focus on the screaming.

My worst nightmare is not 6 feet from me. Tommy is between me and the others, essentially blocking almost everything from view with his gargantuan frame. Brian, Edward, Alice, Rosalie and Tommy are all screaming at each other. Jasper has one hand around the arms of Alice and Edward and Emmett has one hand around Rosalie's perfectly sculpted arm while resting a strong hand on Edward's shoulder. Edward is pulling so hard on the hands of his brothers that his shirt is beginning to tear under the stress. Alice looks like she is on the verge of impossible tears and Rosalie looks more furious than anyone else in the room.

My heart beat immediately increases and I rush as quickly as possible to the bathroom, effectively avoiding all eyes but not all attention. I slam and lock the door behind me and turn my attention to the mirror on the counter. Six beautiful, matte, white lines of the finest cocaine money can buy are laid out for Brian, Danny and myself. The mirror under the fluffy whiteness is glittering and shimmering. The scene is angelic.

Instantly I feel better. I hear my name being screamed from behind the door but I am so in my zone I barely register who is calling. I lift the tightly rolled dollar bill and lean in for my first hit.

"BELLA! NO, GOD NO!" I can pick out Alice's tinkling voice from the rest. She actually sounds upset. About what I can't deduce in my current state.

I inhale one line in one fell swoop and feel it working its magic swiftly. The next line is just a few millimeters away. I make it to the second line no problem and take it into my left nostril just like the first.

A third line, cut for one of the boys, looks equally delicious.

"Open the door, love, please?" Edward's smooth, velvety, caramel sauce, dazzle voice comes through the cheap wood door effectively assaulting me.

The sound makes me cringe. My skin crawls, my heart races. I can't breathe again. I reach for the next line with the rolled up bill.

"JAZZ!" Alice's scream sounds like it is directly in my ear and I am rendered maniacal. That is the exact moment I decide to have all 6 lines.

Before I can get the straw to the third lovely line a huge crash, coupled with ice cold arms, erupts behind me. I am pinned to a strong, tall, icy body. Instantly, my thoughts are jumbled. I don't want him to touch me. I want to be numb with someone who understands how I cope with my mess of a life. I don't want to be stopped or changed or fixed. I want to be delinquent Bella with her bill and blow.

I begin struggling with everything I have in me; I can feel the hours old scabs on my wounds begin to break when a raspy, gentle voice speaks in my ear, "Be careful, darlin'. Breaking those open wouldn't be a good idea."

Jasper was the one who had stopped me. Why? Instantaneously the confusion sets in. Why are they here? Why are they stopping me? Jasper carries me into the main dressing room and plops me easily on the couch and it is then that I register the things that Brian was yelling.

"Get the fuck out of here...You have no right...You're scaring her...Hurt her enough... Goddamn it!" He sputters like he, too, is stoned out of his mind.

I reach for him then. Saying nothing, I lift my arms and implore him with tears and fear and pain in my eyes to hold me and make my demons go away like he has in our bedroom. He rushes over and kneels in front of me on the sofa. His eyes are sorrowful and afraid. "I'm sorry Bella. Please forgive me. I didn't know it was him. I didn't realize. I wouldn't have let them in the room. Please forgive me."

Brian knew as much of the story as I was able to tell him. Every night in my sleep I screamed for Edward and, though he didn't judge, he deserved to know who Edward was. Brian knew about them, their looks, their money, their intelligence and perfection. He knew what they did to me and even most of what Edward said to me that day in the woods behind my former home. He didn't know they were vampires.

I look past Brian to Edward who looks like he might rip out his own heart at this very moment. It must have been good stuff. These hallucinations are strange. I look to Alice whose tiny form is pressed into Jasper. Then to Rose and Emmett who are seemingly holding each other up as if they might fall over. Then my eyes meet Tommy's. I nod to him that everything is ok. We aren't in any danger. At least, not in physical danger. I may very well lose my sanity tonight but no one gives a shit about that. As Tommy turns to leave, I give a bull-like snort at my humor.

Doesn't one of these fuckers care about me?

I refocus on Brian again. He looks scared, like he's done something incredibly wrong. I'm not angry with him but I'm upset and lonely all of a sudden. "Home." I croak. My voice doesn't sound like me. Edward flinches at the sound and steps forward. The moment his foot begins it's decent to the ground my breathing increases. I'm hyperventilating again. Bad. I hold up my hand to stop him and lean into Brian's open shoulder. I close my eyes and take deep breaths as he whispers in my ear. I know Edward can hear the things he's saying. What I don't understand is the look on his face. Sudden, firey and violent anger flares in me. _Why__do__you__care__Edward__?_ I think at him. _Why__are__you__here__? __Can__'__t__you__leave__me__in__what__little__peace__I__have__found__? __Why__are__you__torturing__me__?_

His sudden, audible gasp shocks me and I jump. He looks at my former best friend and they share a moment that I don't quite understand. Her tiny mouth is sagging like she's just learned something shocking.

I shake my head and turn my eyes to Brian again. "Home. Now. Please." The first two words are demands, the last, a plea.

His response makes me feel marginally better. "Of course, beautiful girl. I'll get the car and have Danny walk you out." He kisses my forehead gently and turns to the gaggle of Cullens crowding our dressing room. "You will leave. Don't show your faces around here. Don't try to see her. Just go. Don't come back." With those parting words, Brian leaves to get the car.

"Edward," Alice interrupts my train of thought, "he can't drive her home. He's high."

I snort and smirk up at her from the couch. "I drive high all the time." I say matter of factly. Alice, Edward and Rose all look shocked, disgusted and stunned at my brazen admission. This further irritates me.

"I also fuck, eat, work and cut myself when I'm high." I say. Edward's hands find his hair and tug like he's trying to detach it from his scalp. I fold my arms over my chest and Danny comes over and drapes his coat about my semi exposed top half.

"It's cold. Stay warm, kid." He whispers to me and I smile at his caring. At this moment, Edward steps forward again.

"Please Bella. Talk to me. Come with me. Just for a bit. When you want to leave, I'll take you home. Please." He's so sad, so desperate and at that moment I can't bear to make anyone feel like he's made me feel.

"I don't think I can." I manage to whisper in his direction. Danny reaches out a had to hold me up if I stumble.

"Ple-" Edward begins but I quickly raise my eyes to look into his and it silences him.

"When you... When you left me," Danny's hand on my arm squeezes, reassuring me. "I was a mess. I'm still not the same. I need chemicals to function. I have nightmares. I don't sleep. I enjoy pain because it's the only reminder I have that I'm not dead. If you leave again, and you will, I'll die. You've sentenced me to death."

Edward's eyes are glassing over. He looks like he might murder or vomit or cry.

"I'll come with you but after you say whatever it is you want to say, I want you to take me home so I can whither away in peace."

I'm shocked when Emmett steps forward and gently wraps an arm around my waist to usher me to a luxury Cullen vehicle. I give Danny a tiny nod and a smile as a tear escapes my eye.

"Take the side door." He says low and strained. "I'll deal with Brian."


End file.
